I’ve been spending the past week cleaning my workstation. Throwing away stuffs, shredding piles and piles of documents and disposing forgotten food in the bottom of the drawer. During this exercise, I discovered two things: One, the sound and sensation of the paper shredding, which goes jeeeeeeeejeeeeeeeeejeeeeeeeee is so much fun! And two, I found out that I can be quite a pack rat. I felt guilty for throwing so many things away, especially things that can be recycled. But hey, the instant everything cleared off, the burden in my heart feels lighter. After all, its therapeutic to throw away stuffs that the company paid for. Sort of like revenge in minuscule scale.

I like that feeling. By that I mean the cleared off feeling, not the revenge, just in case you are getting ideas.

Ditto to the things at home. Seven years and moving houses for three times in between, I accumulated a lot of things. Cheap furniture, clothes, trinkets, kitchen stuffs, ornaments, books, CDs and bric a bracs, I just don’t know that I could have so much money to buy them all. Sorting, packing and throwing away stuffs seems to be so hard because I still cling onto the emotional attachments I have towards those stuffs.

This is unhealthy! So what I did was to go get some black plastic bags and pack my junks like this.

Because when I can’t see what I threw away they can pass off as rubbish and I feel less guilty about it. So what the fuck right? I vowed to myself not to get attached to inanimate objects because all those emo emo “oh, this purple elephant pencil case was given to me by my tenth god uncle and I should i keep it” is bad. Very, very bad. It is bad for my heart and soul and mind. I cannot handle emo stuffs like these. I don’t like it at all! Unless its the stuffs I bought myself which I have no qualms in dumping them whenever I fancy, things that people gave always haunts me. Damnit! Stop haunting me you purple elephant pencil case because I am putting you into the black bag as well! Pfft!

Most of the stuffs that can be donated to the charity will be sent off to the centres. By doing this I feel less guilty than I already am. I sure owe myself a lot of bitchslaps for feeling guilty over small things like these.

I will be back in my hometown for the long weekends and after that, packing will resume. Must clear everything and cleanup the house before the lease ends. Need to get back my deposit! Er, speaking of that, where can I get those white plaster thingy to cover up the holes on the walls?